5. Here we go again.

Fail forward as they say.

I “started” this page a year ago. Paid for the WordPress, promised myself I’d finally start writing about clothes. At that time I had set the “impossible goal” of no new clothes for the new year (2021). I was feeling the new year new me resolution buzz, flying high after waking up on 1.1.21 NOT hungover, ready to GO. 

I failed. I can’t remember now exactly what purchase was the first “fail”… which goes to show how important it really was. Then my life got busy and changed a lot, for good reasons, wholesome, happy reasons. Those changes were hard. Are hard. And I lost focus, interest, energy to write about clothes, and I had completely failed at my goal of no new clothes. To be fair, my consumption has decreased considerably over the last 2 years and dramatically over the last 5. But, in terms of not buying anything new in 2021? I justified myself right outta that one by oh, March? 

Jump to October. The dust is kind of sort of settling on the big life changes, namely a move to a new state and a change in career/period of “fun-employment” as a “trailing spouse” or soon to be spouse: and I felt reinvigorated to give it a go. I actually POSTED some posts! And, I set a new goal. Inspired once again by the idea of a “challenge” the “last 90 days” of the year – read the first post, it’s all there. And… I failed. Started with small failures… Poshmark purchases which I could justify and purchase for outerwear that felt/feels necessary to exist in the PNW in a way that allows me to comfortably go outside. And, I got a dog so I have been going on A LOT of walks in the PNW weather that I am honestly ok with. So between the walks and the weather and the 2nd hand nature of the purchases, I could justify those purchases to myself  I’ll start again in the new year, I’ll write about it then in the new year. 

New year? Same goal. Have I “failed” yet? Yes. 

But are these “failures”? I set an arbitrary goal for myself that I literally called impossible. And then I proved myself right. I’ve felt… guilty, shameful about this. It’s so privileged and ridiculous. To be setting goals to not buy clothes, and then not meeting those goals? What a “problem” to have. 

The truth is, I like clothes. I like looking at clothes and thinking about how clothes fit together and creating outfits. I am very sensitive to how things look, very aware of details. My brain swirls around these kinds of details all day long and usually, the details are about my clothes. Or the end of the world. Or my dog. AND, I am not into “fashion” nor am I enough into “sustainable fashion” to really “count” as someone who could write about clothes. But I do really care about where my clothes come from and think about it a lot. I’m a millennial, I love a mirror selfie, I’m self-centered and I’m sensitive to aesthetics. I like when things look good. I like when clothes are made well and with care. I appreciate quality and simplicity. I am worried about and sad for the natural world and the terrible impact choices like mine have on my fellow humans and  the other living things on this planet. I’m also a catastrophic thinker so, it can get real dramatic in my mind. I think about the impact of my choices, I think about capitalism and advertising and social media and my personality and anxieties and how these things combine to make it SO F-ING HARD to NOT buy stuff online. 

And I’m not alone. I know for sure more than one of my close friends has similar “struggles”. It’s not just me. What if we could all just pause and think? 

All this to say, I don’t know the goals of this writing. I acknowledge that I stand in a place of incredible privilege. That alone makes me not want to indulge in what I deem a vapid “hobby”… that takes up so much mental space. I am worried about getting it way wrong and being way tone deaf. And yet, I cannot stop thinking about this blog, this idea. These ideas. And so, we begin again. With an intention for fun. Playful snark. Not taking any of this too seriously because it isn’t serious… and yet it kind of is? Maybe someone else feels the same way I do.

Anyway, this is what I wear 95% of the time, this or a version of this.

WHAT

Many, many neighborhood strolls with the lil cutie pictured at my feet.

WEAR

Jacket (Girlfriend Collective) – My love for this brand runs deep and this puffer is no different. Made from recycled plastic this jacket is warm and soft and comforting. One of the first “new” purchases I made when failing at no new clothes for 90 days. Worth it on every level.

Boots (Blundstone) – A Christmas gift I chose for myself. I wear these every single day and just today a stranger shouted at me that she loved my boots, where were they from? And I spelled Blundstone for her out loud, across the street while our respective pups tugged at the end of their leashes. It felt very neighborly and very PNW because it was raining. These are well known for quality and comfort and they hold up. J picked out the rustic brown and at first I wasn’t sure, now I love it.